I have spent a whole lot of time staring at the clock lately. It’s probably age
, but that’s an ugly word to me right now, so I just call it a “phase” and move on. Most of the time I try to NOT look at the clock, but once in a while I can’t help myself and I see the time, I start dwelling on the “why in the world am I up” thing, and then I get too awake and cannot go back to sleep. Have you been there? It makes for a miserable day.
Last night I had one of those nights. With a little help from a child that couldn’t sleep, I found myself awake at 3:30am. I wasn’t a happy camper. I wouldn’t say my thoughts were necessarily centered on the positive. I was….ummmm…irritated! I was just a little over the lack of sleep I’ve had for the past few days. As I lay there trying to go back to sleep, I found myself replaying the last couple of weeks of my life. I have been in a funk, a word that Dictionary.com describes as, “a dejected mood”. I really have no rhyme or reason for it. I pretty much have kept up my same routine. I’ve even been spending time with God reading His word, but things have pretty much stopped there. His word has been filling my head, but my heart…the listening part…has been shut off. I can’t really explain why, but sometimes, “familiarity breeds contempt.” Have you been there? Things can be right in place, headed a good direction, but you’re kinda living an outer body experience…disconnect. Maybe the explanation actually is lack of sleep, but lack of sleep can sure make for a cranky wife, irritated Mama, and an absent friend. I don’t like myself much when I feel this way.
Round and round, all of this is going off in my head and heart as I lay awake in the wee hours. I cried out to God to just grant me peace. In the feelings of being overwhelmed, the confusion of why people do what they do, and the overall irritation with breaking up fights, maintaining a house and the oppressive heat, and just plain aggravation with myself…I knew that all I needed was to tell HIM that I needed Him. I can’t do it alone. I’m tired.
This morning I read,
“Blessed woman, who believed what God said, believed every word would come true!” Luke 1:45 MSG
Solace. Peace. Comfort. Understanding. Calm. Courage. Challenge. Refreshing. Renewing. All of these things came flooding my heart and soul. Suddenly all of my angst didn’t matter much anymore. Instead, thoughts of how blessed I am…how good things are…pervaded my thoughts. Let me share some bullet points of just what I mean…
- It’s the laid back, lazy days of summer
- A roof over my head
- A front row seat to life change
- Seeing firsthand what happens when you believe God’s plans for you and your family will come true
- Starting a church in the Fall of ’07 w/ 8 in our home to now seeing over 700 lives impacted week to week
- Watching lives of women changed, and having a part in leading them
- Though people may rise against you, God is affirming HIS plan for you
- Seeing my children making decisions to really live for Him in walk and not just in talk
- Not only seeing LifeSong planted, but watching LifeSong plant in Vegas and Connecticut…with another local campus on the horizon
- A voice to express my heart for my Savior through opportunities to speak, write and to simply love
- Leading others even when I sometimes feel unworthy or just not smart enough
- Blessed by friends that pour into me
Those are just some things that rolled around in my mind as I prayed through the night and then as I read how blessed I really am. He’s promised us blessing, provision and hope. Yes, sometimes we’re trapped in a funk, but in the sleepless nights of life, He never leaves. He’s there, reminding us His mercies are new every morning.
What about you? How blessed are you? I’d love to hear how God spoke and you believed His blessings to be true.