A Lack of Sleep

I have spent a whole lot of time staring at the clock lately.  It’s probably age, but that’s an ugly word to me right now, so I just call it a “phase” and move on.  Most of the time I try to NOT look at the clock, but once in a while I can’t help myself and I see the time, I start dwelling on the “why in the world am I up” thing, and then I get too awake and cannot go back to sleep.  Have you been there? It makes for a miserable day.
Last night I had one of those nights.  With a little help from a child that couldn’t sleep, I found myself awake at 3:30am.  I wasn’t a happy camper.  I wouldn’t say my thoughts were necessarily centered on the positive.  I was….ummmm…irritated!  I was just a little over the lack of sleep I’ve had for the past few days.  As I lay there trying to go back to sleep, I found myself replaying the last couple of weeks of my life.  I have been in a funk, a word that Dictionary.com describes as, “a dejected mood”.  I really have no rhyme or reason for it.  I pretty much have kept up my same routine.  I’ve even been spending time with God reading His word, but things have pretty much stopped there.  His word has been filling my head, but my heart…the listening part…has been shut off.  I can’t really explain why, but sometimes, “familiarity breeds contempt.”  Have you been there?  Things can be right in place, headed a good direction, but you’re kinda living an outer body experience…disconnect.  Maybe the explanation actually is lack of sleep, but lack of sleep can sure make for a cranky wife, irritated Mama, and an absent friend.  I don’t like myself much when I feel this way.
Round and round, all of this is going off in my head and heart as I lay awake in the wee hours.  I cried out to God to just grant me peace.  In the feelings of being overwhelmed, the confusion of why people do what they do, and the overall irritation with breaking up fights, maintaining a house and the oppressive heat, and just plain aggravation with myself…I knew that all I needed was to tell HIM that I needed Him.  I can’t do it alone.  I’m tired.
This morning I read,

“Blessed woman, who believed what God said, believed every word would come true!” Luke 1:45 MSG

Solace.  Peace.  Comfort.  Understanding.  Calm.  Courage.  Challenge.  Refreshing.  Renewing. All of these things came flooding my heart and soul.  Suddenly all of my angst didn’t matter much anymore. Instead, thoughts of how blessed I am…how good things are…pervaded my thoughts.  Let me share some bullet points of just what I mean…
  • It’s the laid back, lazy days of summer
  • A roof over my head
  • A front row seat to life change
  • Seeing firsthand what happens when you believe God’s plans for you and your family will come true
  • Starting a church in the Fall of ’07 w/ 8 in our home to now seeing over 700                             lives impacted week to week
  • Watching lives of women changed, and having a part in leading them
  • Though people may rise against you, God is affirming HIS plan for you
  • Seeing my children making decisions to really live for Him in walk and not just in talk
  • Not only seeing LifeSong planted, but watching LifeSong plant in Vegas  and Connecticut…with another local campus on the horizon
  • A voice to express my heart for my Savior through opportunities to speak, write and to simply love
  • Leading others even when I sometimes feel unworthy or just not smart enough
  • Blessed by friends that pour into me

Those are just some things that rolled around in my mind as I prayed through the night and then as I read how blessed I really am.  He’s promised us blessing, provision and hope.  Yes, sometimes we’re trapped in a funk, but in the sleepless nights of life, He never leaves. He’s there, reminding us His mercies are new every morning.

What about you? How blessed are you? I’d love to hear how God spoke and you believed His blessings to be true.

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8 thoughts on “A Lack of Sleep

  1. Awesome post Amy! God is sooooo good! I actually will be speaking tonight at a women’s group on “Trusting God Even When Things Look Grim.” God is so faithful, & He has proven Himself over and over again in my life. Today I am reminded of His faithfulness in my family’s life, as He has continued to work a miracle in my Mom after a horrific car accident 6 years ago. I am blessed beyond measure!

  2. Oh, I LOVE that!! Lack of sleep is one of the number 1 killers of my peace and ability to hear from God – I can SO relate!! I’m feeling kind of in a funk too, now. I hate these times of silence, where I can’t really HEAR… A big factor is busyness of late… so today I’m off, going to slowly (not RUSH) to get some things done, but mainly want to fellowship with the One who restores… Hoping to hear.

    On another note, where are you planting in CT? My BFF from high school lives in CT (Newington). They have settled into a church, but I think it’s just because it’s ‘closest’ to what they’re looking for. Would love to hear more about the work in CT :).

    • We are planting near Putnam, CT. It’s still a ways away from launch. Our Pastor of Discipleship is leaving to be lead pastor, and one other family from LS here in Lyman has committed to go. They are all still waiting to have their houses sell.
      Hope your days are getting slower and you’re enjoying some lazy days of summer! Miss you…love you!

  3. I’m with ya on the lack of sleep … puts me in a huge funk (among other things that do that as well). Can’t sleep right now so I’m catching up on lots of blog reading … this won’t go well for me in the morning! 🙂
    I love that you took time to list the blessings … always does me good to do the same and shift my perspective from my selfishness and wants, etc. to truly focus on all He has done for me and how much He has blessed me!
    Love you, friend!

  4. Yuck! I hate having a lack of sleep. So sorry for your funk 😦

    Love your post and you do have so much to be thankful for. I don’t think you realize but a lot women envy you my friend. You have a beautiful family and home and you are blessed beyond measure. I for one do think you are very smart and a wonderful example to women.

    Counting my blessings….I do let that get away from me more often than I should.

    I am thankful for my neighborhood and my wonderful neighbors and their friendships. My friendships with in my church and the community feeling. I am thankful for this summer and the fun pool time. I am thankful for the spiritual growth within my husband. For my marriage, and that we are still in love. For my smart, beautiful, and healthy children. For long bubble baths. Our comfortable new bed. Hair dye (can I get a witness?) and I’m thankful for blog time.

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