Just Trying Not to Fit In

I’ve always felt like a bit of a misfit.  Although I have to be outgoing most of the time, I’m a total introvert.  I’m the type that doesn’t like to be in the center of a room full of people, but I prefer to stay on the outer edges.  Even in my own church with people I know and dearly love, I have to do a lot of self talk before I enter a room full of people.  I avoid the mall because a lot of people in one place makes me antsy.  Being the center of attention is not important to me.  I don’t even gravitate to those that seem to want a lot of attention. I’m content to be the quiet one…usually.

Growing up I’ve never quite felt like I measured up.  I wasn’t a particularly good student.  I didn’t have a lot of talent in a particular area.  Both of my sisters sing, and I’ve answered the question more times than I can count, “Can you sing like your sisters?” Nope. Sure can’t. I played basketball for a bit, and I was actually kinda good at it, but I’d get overwhelmed with people watching me and I’d quit.  I’ve always been this giant to my friends, taller than pretty much everyone I know, and never really had the figure to match. I’m sad to say I’ve often found my identity is believing I am less than.  Years of my life were spent in comparing who I thought I was to everyone else.

Living in exactly who God has made us to be doesn’t just happen overnight.  For me, I’ve had to make it intentional to know Him so that I can know how He sees me, and then I know who I am.  I don’t apologize anymore for being an introvert. Yeah, it’s not the popular one to be, but it’s me.  I’ve never been much for doing what everyone else does, so apologizing for how I am just never felt right, and it’s not.

Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” Galatians 6:4,5 (MSG)

God simply asks that I bring Him my best, not a clone of someone else.  In my personality, I tend to like to retreat and be by myself.  As I sit today and I am in that place, I know I have to guard my mind against the enemy trying to convince me that I fail at leading my staff wives, I stink at friendship, I am a horrible sister, that the women of LifeSong won’t follow my leadership, I could be a better wife and mom, and the list of negative talk can fill my mind.  Taking time alone is a good thing.  Living in that is right where the enemy would have us remain.

I don’t want to fit in, do you? I want to stand out by living confidently in Him, not in the insecurities that can surround any situation. The truth is we will never be what others believe we should be, but the greater truth is we CAN be just what God has made us to be.  Today, be reminded that you are enough. Embrace who He says you are.  He is NEVER wrong!


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