I remember as a kid playing the game “Telephone”. Sitting in a circle, someone would start the “story” and whisper it in their neighbor’s ear, and the neighbor would proceed to share with their neighbor, their neighbor with the neighbor next to them. By the end of the circle, the words whispered were all twisted up and usually ended with us laughing at how the words had changed. Back then sharing secrets was usually funny, that a boy in our class liked one of us, or we planned our Fridays to spend the night at our friend’s house. Secrets back then generally made us smile. As I got older, even as an older child, I began to see that many walked around with another story behind their dark, tired eyes. Friends whose home life was really, really hard, or family hiding the pain of an illness. I began to see that secrets have the tendency to have a very dark side.
For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light. Luke 8:17
Rick Warren says, “You’re only as sick as your secrets.” I’ve seen the joy of secrets, like the “just-found-out-I’m-pregnant” secret, or the “I-think-I’m-in-love” one. Predominantly, though, I’ve seen that secrets kill. In these last days as I’ve written regarding marriage (listen to the start of our “Loving Marriage” series at LifeSong here), and one statement “secrets kill” has come out of my mouth more the last 10 years, referring to marriages, than I wish it had. I’ve seen too many marriages destroyed over secrets. Oh, I get it because I know the craftiness of temptation to walk ANY other way than the LORD’S way, but Jeff and I decided from day one of our marriage three things: Divorce is not an option. We pray feverishly that God keeps us clean and close. We have non-negotiable boundaries – we are never alone with the opposite sex without others being around. Sometimes we feel like we’re in a minority doing these things, but this is such a MUST in our lives that we have to NOT care what other’s think. We’ve got to care more about seeing our marriages the way God sees them. We FIGHT for them. Is your spouse your “go-to,’ meaning, do they have full access to your life? In our ministry, we have what we call an “open door policy”. The people we serve know that they can have full access to us at any time. Our hearts are always open to pray with them, speak with them, counsel them. Our marriages should be that and MORE! Unless you’re hiding the most amazing birthday or Christmas gift ever, no hiding stuff from our spouses. I struggle to share with my spouse feelings of failure I have, or times when he is getting under my skin, or most of all that I just could care less about spending time with God. I want to be perfect in his eyes…except, I’m NOT. Our relationships with our spouses can be a launching pad for healthy vulnerability, a place to say, “I love you BECAUSE you are you!” Secrets can kill the testimony of how God changed our lives. Secrets have put us in the place of caring more about what the world thinks of us, than what God thinks of us. Allow today to be the day that GOD frees you from the secret places in your life. The risk to let that secret take root is always greater than the reward of seeing a REDEEMING GOD at work in our lives. Make your marriage the ultimate safe place, and to do that means we do whatever it takes.